Day 8 – is staying in really the new going out?

Yesterday was a bit of an up and down rollercoaster. I had made plans, thought of challenges the evening before and was determined to see them through. When I woke up, I sensed, that something was wrong. I slept way longer than usual, yet I felt incredibly tired and was unable to get up. It took me almost an hour, to put both my feet on the ground and to take a step. Not to worry, I said to myself, this is nothing, you didn’t sleep well, just go easy on yourself, you are not late for anything. Well, it didn’t get better. I felt frustrated, I tried to find out what it was, that has changed, since I arrived in the city. My usual drive, motivation, positivity, reliance, strength and relaxed manner seemed to have gone down, down, down since two weeks. That’s pretty unfair, don’t you think? I already had all of them again in my life, so what the hell is happening? I couldn’t find an answer and felt very sad, helpless and depressed, so I reached out to my therapist, whom I consider to be very wise and always really helpful. After our talk on the phone, I felt a bit better. It was already late in the afternoon and I was tempted, ooh, so tempted to just call it a day and stay comfortably at home. My inner chicken though, let me down. And so I gathered all my remaining confidence and courage and went outside.

Sunshine, warmth and spring welcomed me with open arms and I was very happy to have managed to leave my fortress of solitude. Instead of taking a long errant trip, I decided to just walk down a street and see what I’d find. Well, that is half a lie, actually. It was 4 pm already and I haven’t had a bite to eat yet. The girl of today knows what to do: google. You see, I had my mind half made up on the route, but then, fate intervened. I stumbled across a wall colour store – and went inside! Alone. With just half a plan and maybe a colour in mind. Half an hour later, with less money in my pockets and two really heavy bags to carry I stood outside the shop and marveled about what just happened. Not only did I go into a shop that was unbeknownst to me, I went there alone, spontaneously, I talked to the sales assistants (yes, plural, because one is not enough challenging and able to tell me what shade of grey looks warm or cold) and I even bought something. Without lamenting the loss of money or questioning my decision. (That’s no longer true, I am afraid, now that the colour is sitting in front of me, waiting to be applied to the wall, I dare not to open the lid. What if…!). And yet again, I changed my plan and went home directly to unload the bags. I still felt hungry, but in no mood, to cook something. I went outside again and sat down at a near restaurant. Alone, without my phone (it’s a trick you see, my phone works as a shield for me a lot of the times) and no occupation whatsoever. I had a small bite to eat, watched the sun go down and went home. Writing all of this down, just reminded me and showed me what a great challenge that day had been and how positive the outcome was. Thanks blog, thanks inner chicken – you made it work in the end. I didn’t do what I set out to do and I had no energy to move a muscle, let alone cook dinner, after that short afternoon, but it was fine. I was fine with it. I even was fine with me watching a couple of episodes of a tv show, because I had no energy for anything else. I bought a wall colour, had a drink and a falafel sandwich, what more do I want? It’s the little things on days like these that challenge me, and sometimes, its stuff, that used to be really easy for me in the past or was beginning to get easier for me in the last months. I am moving forward, nevertheless, one step at a time.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Day 8 – is staying in really the new going out?

  1. This time I had to respond immediately (can you see how quickly I am responding nowadays…, well sometimes with bit of a delay but I am improving – I am actually realizing that it is much easier to respond just after I read the post because I am sure something strikes me and gives me some ideas for a response. And it doesn’t have to be perfect).

    This time, I just wanted to say, hey, you have not just bought a wall colour, had a drink and a falafel sandwich. You have achieved much more. Look at this:

    “Not only did I go into a shop that was unbeknownst to me, I went there ALONE, SPONTANEOUSLY, I talked to the SALES ASSISTANTS and I even bought something (well, nothing less than WALL COLOUR!!!!!). Without lamenting the loss of money or questioning my decision.”

    Whether it seems a small or big challenge for others doesn’t matter. It was a big one for you and you managed with bravour! You actually addressed four of your previous challenges – doing things alone, spontaneously, engaging with other people and buying a wall color! That’s a huge achievement for one day! And you should fully acknowledge you for having done this!

    And I also want to acknowledge you for having taken responsibility for your well-being and that you called your therapist in a moment when you needed a little push in the right direction!!

    I think you had another day of great challenges and many achievements!

  2. Did I tell you already that the first thing I nowadays do every morning is checking your blog for new posts!? 🙂

  3. What??? No posts before Sunday??? 😦 Olala. And you don’t have to be scared. Just wanted to let you know that you have a dedicated follower!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s