Day 14 – black monday

I am not really sure what to write. If you were looking for another day full of passed challenges, please come back tomorrow.

Day 14 was a slip. A kind of black day, best to be forgotten soon. It started well, I got up early to wave goodbye to my boyfriend, as he was going away for a 4-day work trip. Made my usual lemon water with honey to start the day and that’s where the up streak ends. I sat down on the sofa and wasn’t able to do anything. I never drank the lemon water and didn’t get up for ages. When desperation started to really kick in, I managed to retrieve my iPad. I thought I’d read a bit or browse. Instead I ended up watching tv shows. Without pause. Binge watching at its finest. Nothing wrong with a day of indulging in meaningless entertainment, you say? I’d agree, if it would’ve been fun to watch the whole day. I wasn’t having fun. Not really anyways. I watched, I didn’t even smile at jokes or cool scenes. As soon as one episode stopped, I started with the next one. And one after that one. I didn’t get up to get some water, or breakfast, lunch or dinner. I was angry at myself, for not at least enjoying a lazy day. I was angry for not looking after my needs. For not going out, proceeding with the good way I am on. For just not managing to break free of this pattern. A nice little spiral downwards, full of dark thoughts. Luckily, I fell asleep around midnight, and day 15 was a way better one.

Bare with me having had a bad day. I do, too. Mind you, I am writing this in a normal mood and after some nice days. I am not looking for sympathy here. I promised to write some kind of journal. In good and in bad days. Today the sun is shining again.


8 thoughts on “Day 14 – black monday

  1. You know, those days happen. At least to me they do. And I guess you could see it like that day was your challenge for your next day – how you deal with those occasional black days (it’s good to hear you don’t have only black days any more) the day after. And from what I just read, it looks like you mastered that one. Seeing a new day as a new day, no matter what happened yesterday, no matter if you feel you failed or if you feel you were successful. And that means even if you feel you failed on that day, if you make the next day a new one, you actually didn’t fail (as if you could “fail” anyways – what exactly means failing…). Well, this is getting a bit complicated now, my brain still feels a bit mushy after being away from home for the last few days…

    • Thanks Anja, it does make sense to me, my brain is always a bit mushy these days… 🙂 I am very happy, too, that these dark days are no longer a daily, weekly or monthly thing. Hope you recovered well after the meeting!

  2. Failing. Failure. Does that exist? What would the world look like if “failure” would not exist? If kids could not fail in school. If business start-ups would not fail. If we would not fail in our professional and personal lives? What if the biggest discoverer of our world had given up and believed in failure? Would we still be sitting in the dark? Not being able to fly between Europe and Africa? Not being able to type this blog comment? There is no such thing as failure! We should actually eliminate this word from our vocabulary. Fact is, we can set ourselves goals…. as for example 40 days of challenges which you master successfully. Having a black day without a challenge or without being able to master the challenge does not mean you have failed. Or that you are a failure. No. You have not achieved the goal that you have set yourself for that day. That’s it. You can learn your lessons, reflect on it what was missing and move on. Set yourself a new goal! Face the next day’s challenge with confidence! Let me read the next ones. 😉

  3. Adding to what tigercat wrote and following on my comment – this is a text I read over and over again, becasue it makes so much sense and I have to remind myself about it: Smogranch (Daniel Milnor; great blog by the way) about Failure as a Friend:

  4. Thanks Anja for sharing this article! It’s fantastic! And I really love the following sentences:

    ‘For some reason I think today we have a real aversion to failure, as if it can’t be accepted or be a natural part of the creative experience. I think we have this strange desire for perfection in photography, which I don’t think is a reality, nor do I find “perfect” (…) things very interesting.’

    ‘My failure brought me closer to what I should have seen and perhaps known all along.’

    ‘Don’t fear (…) failure, embrace it. Heck, enjoy it. My personal belief is that if you aren’t failing on a regular basis you are far to set in your comfort zone and are holding yourself back. Sometimes it’s fun to walk into the unknown and the results can be truly life-changing.!

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