Day 19 – there and back again

It is time to go back. Back to the countryside, to concentrate on getting better, to resume therapy, to learn how to be with myself, how to be myself and to identify where this journey will lead me. As nice as the past three weeks were and as hard it is for me to leave now, I do look forward to a few things in my voluntary exile. I do already miss things from the city though. Balancing these two lives will be my challenge for the future. Or maybe just bringing the countryside into the city. Time will tell.

After I had breakfast and stuffed the last things into my already filled suitcase, I went to the station, said my good-byes to my love and expected a tiring, long journey ahead of me. When someone sat down on the empty seat next to me, my spirits hit the bottom. No, no, no, that was not how I wanted to spend the next 7 hours! I had two choices: to do, what I always do and get cranky, angry, desperate, counting every minute and wishing I had more space to myself, or to try and relax and make the best out of things. I chose the second and grabbed a book. OH BOY! I had completely forgotten, how fast time travels, when you are able to read. To be able to read again and to enjoy it, is one of the many things, I am most grateful for, since recovering. And faster than you can say ‘supercalifragilisticexpialidocious‘ – I had the seat next to me again at my disposal and I rushed through the pages, diving into the story and blocking the world out (thank you, earphones, screw you kid behind me kicking the seat). 7 hours still are a long time and I was happy to get off the train. When I entered the train, the sun was shining and it was spring. When I exited the train, it was raining, it was cold and grey (and it should stay that way for 3 more days, but I didn’t know that yet), but I was in a relatively good mood. Why, you ask me? For the next two weeks I will take care of a very cute dog! Her name is Dana, she is 1 1/2 years old – and she belongs to my stepfather’s boyfriend. That is a whole different story.

Fact is, I knew Dana would have been sent to a shelter for two weeks, and I couldn’t let that happen. I met them an hour after arriving by train, usually a very tense situation for me, something I usually avoid completely, this time though, he behaved, and I was soon alone again, with Dana. The challenge for the next days will be to not replace my needs with the dog’s needs. I am not sure, if I went back to an old pattern by agreeing to look after Dana and I do hope very much, that this responsibility isn’t too overwhelming and exhausting for me still. The focus will and should definitely be on myself. Let’s see how I will do!


8 thoughts on “Day 19 – there and back again

  1. Hey country girl! How are you doing? How is Dana? It’s great to hear that you are taking care of the dog instead of sending him to a shelter. And yes, I understand when you are afraid that you went back to an old pattern by agreeing to look after Dana and yes, the dog will force you to get up and leave the house, etc. but to be honest… you cannot go back. Because now there is already this awareness about your old pattern that wasn’t there before and once you are aware of that pattern, you have a choice. To follow your old pattern or the new one. Combining your needs with the dogs needs! And you know what, even taking advantage of the dog for your challenges to for example to have small talk with strangers. Generally, when you are with a dog or child, people are more open to approach you or of being approached. And you have already a topic for the small talk. I am not saying you should use the dog as protection rather that you could take advantage of the dog by using him to getting more comfortable and used to talking to strangers. Remember, in the spa, you really took up a big challenge… trying to talk to this couple. If they had a dog, it would have been much easier, not so. It’s just about getting more comfortable in these kind of situations.

    By the way, I am currently facing one of my biggest challenges. First of all, I had to do all my medical checks in Belgium as I won’t be able to go to Austria. New doctors (esp. dentist), etc. In Sierra Leone I was wasting so much time because I was scared of calling them to make appointments and then of course, they were fully booked or did not pick up. But I managed to do everything here and I really had a very good experience.

    Then I am also trying to sell myself here. Something I don’t like doing and I am not good in. But in four months I need a job. So currently, I have been meeting with all colleagues and have been mentioning and asking people about job opportunities, even those colleagues that I met for the first time. Gosh! I still find it difficult to just knock at the door of somebody and tell them that I am looking for job… but I am improving.

    And the biggest challenge was today. Yesterday, we were kept hostage at the EU building when Obama was supposed to pass by and when we finally were able to escape through the garage, I met this guy and we started talking and then I just told him that I was looking for a job. And then he said, I should have a look at the website and then unfortunately I arrived at the building where I had my next meeting, so I just gave him my business card and he gave me his. That was already something I normally would not have done but this morning I really planned to call him and ask him for a meeting. Unfortunately, I was such a chicken this morning that I just kept postponing the call, then his mobile phone number did not work and then it was a even bigger obstacle to call him on his office number… I mean, I met him on the street, spoke to him for not more than maybe 2 min.

    To cut a long story short, I finally took all my courage, called is office number and spoke to him. He was really nice, but unfortunately we won’t be able to meet before I leave because he was just about to go to London and would only return by Sunday evening. But he offered me to talk over Skype once I am back in Sierra Leone and to send him my CV. I think that was a big success today! :)))

  2. Missing your blog posts!!!

    I have a challenge for you. Are you ready?

    Blog something.
    No matter how long or short the post is.
    And it doesn’t have to be perfect! 😉

    I don’t have any expectations.
    I just want you to be in communication again.

    I miss your sharings!
    I miss being part of your life!

  3. Okay. No blog post. Am I disappointed? Hmmm… well. Not disappointed but I really enjoyed them. So I am kind of longing to read more of your stories. But sometimes it takes some time. I know. And the least I want is to put pressure on you. I will patiently wait. May I continue to send you comments? If I find something interesting like this a BBC article. I just thought about you! I remembered what I told you some time ago…. this is it!!! 😉

  4. Please give us a blogentry! We are starving!

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