Day 14 – black monday

I am not really sure what to write. If you were looking for another day full of passed challenges, please come back tomorrow.

Day 14 was a slip. A kind of black day, best to be forgotten soon. It started well, I got up early to wave goodbye to my boyfriend, as he was going away for a 4-day work trip. Made my usual lemon water with honey to start the day and that’s where the up streak ends. I sat down on the sofa and wasn’t able to do anything. I never drank the lemon water and didn’t get up for ages. When desperation started to really kick in, I managed to retrieve my iPad. I thought I’d read a bit or browse. Instead I ended up watching tv shows. Without pause. Binge watching at its finest. Nothing wrong with a day of indulging in meaningless entertainment, you say? I’d agree, if it would’ve been fun to watch the whole day. I wasn’t having fun. Not really anyways. I watched, I didn’t even smile at jokes or cool scenes. As soon as one episode stopped, I started with the next one. And one after that one. I didn’t get up to get some water, or breakfast, lunch or dinner. I was angry at myself, for not at least enjoying a lazy day. I was angry for not looking after my needs. For not going out, proceeding with the good way I am on. For just not managing to break free of this pattern. A nice little spiral downwards, full of dark thoughts. Luckily, I fell asleep around midnight, and day 15 was a way better one.

Bare with me having had a bad day. I do, too. Mind you, I am writing this in a normal mood and after some nice days. I am not looking for sympathy here. I promised to write some kind of journal. In good and in bad days. Today the sun is shining again.

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